Memoirs of a Shinobi
by datoffeeman
Summary: Short tales from the Naruto Universe. Includes strong language, and some stereotyping. Best not look if offended easily.


Disclaimer: This is a fan based parody of the Naruto Universe. So I own nothing, roflcopterz. Also I will bash every one and anyone so be warned.

...

Somewhere out far in Ninjaland, A magical place where snake worshipping perverts want your body:

Naruto sat down at the edge of the bedroom, in the hotel he was staying in, deep in thought. Unlike his usual self, he was very pensive about the events that occurred earlier. He was currently on a mission to track down his long time team mate and apparent best friend Sasuke Uchiha. Naruto had gone through many great lengths to take down the Uchiha, and much to the annoyance of his sensei's, both Kakashi Hatake and Jiraiya the frog sage, and finally got his own way, by being granted with this mission. He wasn't alone of course, He also had the other original member of team 7, one Sakura Haruno not to mention his new Jounin Sensei Yamato and that prick Sai.

Sai was one bastard. Not giving one fuck about peoples feelings, neither his own for that matter. Naruto concluded that he was one heartless bastard, and if he did had a heart, it was as withered and blackened as that "curry of life" that Rock Lee had made him eat that one time.

Naruto's thoughts had lingered to the time he remembered when he was assigned to team 7...

**-Memoir one: So it begins-**

Naruto had just woken up, yawning to himself he made a mental note not to be up so late beating his plums to a certain pink haired kunoichi. He took of his night cap and walked over to his calender, realizing the day that is was, he decided to celebrate by destroying a pot noodle for breakfast. It was none other than team selection day.

Walking to the academy, Naruto met his young associate Konohamaru. This young arse burger was being a tit and tried to ambush Naruto, but Naruto had none of it, it was too important of a day to let up to such an annoying little brat.

After sitting down at his desk, ol pineapple head himself comes lumbering past, doing a double take when he saw Naruto. Shikamaru thought how much of a drag even looking at the orange wearing twat, and only mumbled a few coherent sentences at Naruto before plodding to his seat, sitting beside his best mate Choji, who at the time took out a packet of crisps, punched it a few times, opened the bag and cut a line out of the trail of the crisps. He then proceded to snort the remains of the crisps up his nose.

"You know choji" Shikamaru started "You really could just eat them like normal people and use your mouth"

Choji looked at him for a few seconds before answering simply "Enters the bloodstream quicker"

A few seats behind the duo, Hinata was vigorously punching her crotch of her pants at the sight of the back Narutos head. She was interrupted by her stupor as the another duo walked in, sweating and talking in their usual text speak

"LOL Ino pig just lost #swag" Sakura stated loudly, her big forehead wobbling dangerously.

Ino replyed to this by posting a picture of Sakuras forehead on instagram. And of course the picture went viral.

The two ladies had just noticed Sasuke and of course decided to scrap on who sat beside him.

Of course Naruto decides to square up to Sasuke and ends up kissing him.

...

After Naruto was serverly beaten up by all the fangirls, whilst belitting him over social networking sites, Iruka-sensei announced the teams.

Naruto had pleaded to be with Sakura and not to be with that douche Sasuke, but at least he got half of the deal right, He was placed with Sakura and Sasuke, both not to fond of little ol Naruto.

And from that moment on, they where a team.

As much as it didn't feel like.

...

They then met their jounin sensei after lunch that day. One Mr Kakashi Hatake. Mr Hatake has a fondness for reading 50 shades of grey infront of children.

Kakashi then asked team 7 about themselves.

Naruto: HOKAGE! RAMEN! BELIEVE IT!

Sakura: MY FAVOURITE COLOUR IS HAM

Sasuke: I LIKE BIG BUTTS, I CANNOT LIE, THAT'S SOMETHING I CAN'T DENY

Which they shouted at the top of their lungs simultaneously.

Kakashi sweatdropped and thought "I have alot of work to do"

...

Next time on Memoirs of a Shinobi: Team 7s bell test, Sakura makes a ham sandwhich and Naruto's microwave has a mind of its own. Spooky.

A/N: Dunno what I'm doing really, I wrote that on the fly for the lolz. If ye's like some more Irish humor combined with some Naruto leave me a wee review and I'll see how it gets on, Cheers for reading :) #dench.

A/N: I have a tendency to lie on 66% on whats next. Keeps you's on your toes :)


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